I met with my radiologist on Monday for the preliminary session before I start in two weeks. It was quite unexpected. I had to get a scan of my torso so they could plan where the radiation goes, apparently that takes two weeks. Who knew? The whole process was totally painless but completely awkward. I had to lay there while the not-hot-but-very-nice-fast-talking radiologist make black marks all over my chest. It was weird. Then the scan came, which meant that I got to go in and out of the stargate looking machine. I am sure that one of these times I am going to end up on a different planet, quite possibly fighting aliens and saving said planet. After the scan, the radiology ladies came in and turned some of the marks into x’s which I am not supposed to let wash off until my first treatment on the 11th. The whole process was awkward and weird and I did not like it at all. But, I would still take that over chemo any day. I start on the 11th and then every day until the 24th of Sept. Not really looking forward to doing that but it is necessary so whatever.
I feel almost completely human after my last chemo treatment, very excited that I am done with that stupid grossness.
Publishers Weekly did an article on San Diego comic con with pictures of a few of the PBB boys. Read it here. I love when my boys get press.
I just finished the arc (advanced reading copy) of Goth Girl Rising which is the sequel to Astonishing Adventures of Fanboy and Goth Girl by my friend Barry Lyga. I was warned that it might not be a good one to read in my current state since Kyra’s mom, prior to this book, dies from lung cancer and Kyra being the angry bitter teen girl that she is, has some angry bitter things to say about her mother’s death and cancer and there is even a little angry bitter moment about breasts and breast cancer. I read it anyway. Cause I wanted to and was quite frankly curious. I was at one point angry and bitter teen too and remember quite vividly what that was like. The book was fabulous! One of my favorite books I have read this year. It was not nearly as bad as I had imagined it would be (things rarely are). Don’t get me wrong, there were things that were mildly upsetting to me and made me cry but most of them were less in a I-have-cancer kind of way and more in a Oh-wow-I-totally-remember-being-that-when-my-dad-died kind of way. The whole parent dying was of course also my main reasoning behind being an angry bitter teen. Ah teenager hood, I am soooooo glad I am not there anymore, those were some angry years…. And the small part about breast cancer did not even remotely upset me. Anyway, the book was so well written that I am beginning to think that Barry was at one point an angry bitter teen age girl. I should ask him about that….
I loved the book and am super happy that I had the focus to read it all in on day. And for anyone who is not familiar with the books, I highly recommend them, as well as Barry’s other works. At the very least, go to his website and read his short story Her Decade, it is my favorite thing he has ever written.
As you can tell from the way finished an entire book in one day, I am starting to feel more human. Other than a cold that keeps threatening me this weekend, I am feeling better. Still not completely human but better. Also, while the looming cold is annoying and I feel like crap in that way, it is a nice relief from feeling like crap the chemo way.
That is how long it has been since my last treatment. And I am sort of starting to feel like a complete human being again. Sort of…. Every day gets closer. I just have to keep telling myself that. Depression keeps wanting to intrude upon my life and I keep fighting it back, some days are easier than others. Usually the easiest way for me to get it to go away is to think about my support team and my family and how awesome they are. Another way is to do what I did today, which is go shopping. My mom took me to my appt with the radiologist today and afterwords we went and bought school supplies and backpacks for this school supply drive that my Dad’s work is doing. It was great, we picked out so much stuff, I had a ton of fun (in a subdued kind of way, I was pretty tired by that point) and it made me rememember how much I love doing things for other people.
The radiologist is nice, he talked kind of fast though which hurt my head a little. I can’t process fast talkers lately, which is funny since I am a fast talker myself. Oh well. I meet with him again next week to start the preliminary stuff and then radiation starts a couple weeks after that, for 6 1/2 weeks Mon-Fri. He said, which tons of people told me, that the side effects are mostly limited to fatigue and the sunburning effect. I am so looking forward to being able to do normal things like drive and read and hold an entire conversation without losing my train of thought.
My cat seems to be doing well since the scare he gave me two weeks ago. He gets to eat canned food so is loving that. He seems to be losing some weight too so I love that. He weighed 14 pounds when they weighed him. He always has been big so I just deal with it. He is like a big thug, which makes sense since he was a stray before I got him. If he was human, I imagine he would make a good thug for the mob. Not too bright but good at beating people up. Which Malky does whenever he sees another cat. He loves all people and dogs, he just hates other cats.
I am currently reading a collection of short stories called Geektastic. I am really enjoying it! It comes out in hardcover in August and I reccommend it to all. Also, the fact that it is short stories means that I do not get as frustrated with the whole “I can’t read more than 10 minutes at a time” thing.
Now…nap time…
I had my last chemo treatment on Wednesday. I had great company in my super awesome friend Heather. She was the first person I truly connected with when I moved here in 2002 and I totally adore her! She, along with a few other members of Team Faith, were integral in helping me feel like I belonged here and I will always be grateful for that.
The chemo seems to be kicking my a– more than usual so I figure that the drugs are like “what! this is the last time we get to make her feel so horrible, well lets make it a memorable experience or something like that”… Not that I could ever forget about chemo side effects but whatever. Now that I am done, other than the next three weeks of side effects, the rest of the year will be this: wisdom teeth extraction-all of them due to the chemo wreaking havoc and creating chaos; radiation-every day for six weeks, starting sometime after the wisdom teeth thing; I get a blissful few weeks off to heal from radiation and then meet the surgeon to determine whether or not I have healed enough to start reconstruction. Assuming that I have, I then meet with the plastic surgeon to start the three surgeries that are involved with getting me a shiny/pretty new set of girls. Not Christmas girls though. I was hoping that Santa would bring me a new set but it is going to take longer than that. Sigh…
Last Sunday, I went to see Wicked, the musical. It was one of the best musicals I have ever seen and I was completely blown away. I am a huge fan of the book and even though the musical is different from the book in a lot of ways, I still thoroughly enjoyed it. I loved every minute of it. On the way back to the parking garage, I was stopped by a woman who remarked on the fact that I was out and about sans wig. She is currently undergoing treatment as well and has not reached that point yet. We both immediately burst into tears and hugged. It was very nice to hear, I still randomly get self conscious about the baldness. I think what really made me all emotional was the immediate sense of sisterhood I felt. It is amazing how in that instant that we recognized each other, nothing else mattered, we were both strong women surviving this life changing journey the best way we knew how. We must have stood there for two or three minutes just hugging and silently crying. It was quite a moment and there were so many things that I wanted to say but was way too emotional…. Silly emotions sneaking up on me like that.
Speaking of this long journey I am on, I am officially signed up to participate in the Susan G Koman 3 day Walk in November. I am totally committed to doing this, my friend Angelique (one of the many who worked tirelessly on Project BookBabe) walked last year and will be again this year. Our team name is Project BookBabe’s Walkers for Knockers. Many of the Team Faith/Project BookBabe ladies are or will be soon part of that team so there will be quite a show of support. Once gain, I get all emotional when I think about it. I freakin’ love my friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The training is slow to happen but Angelique comes over every Tuesday and Thurday night around 10 (it is way too hot before then) and we walk for as long as I can handle. I push myself a bit longer each time, I am determined to walk the entire 60 miles.
So it appears that I can’t keep these short…I will try to post more frequently so as to keep the lengths bearable… 
I know it has been a while since I posted, I have been having some crankiness, and there have been some incredibly dramatic (not really but I pretend) things that have happened since my last one.
So I had to get a CT scan last Monday as I have been having headaches and my oncologist wanted to make sure everything was ok. They had to access my port first which is always a chore, my port is deep and so far only 3 people have been able to access it without causing me tons of pain. Stupid whatever… Anyway, I ended up passing out in the waiting room after they accessed the port. It was very exciting for everyone who was not me. I was told not to eat or drink anything, including water and I am sure that caused the passing out. The nurses were all very sweet and I got immediate attention. Passing out will do that… But the scan that was supposed to only take like an hour ended up taking around 4. Very fun. Luckily I was with my Super Awesome friend Mary and she always makes everything better.
Then yesterday, I had to take my cat, Malkovich (as in Being John), to the vet hospital cause he was acting all weird and stuff, I won’t go into gross details but it turns out that he has crystals in his urine, very common for male cats but also pretty serious according to the vet. By the time the vet came into see him, he was in a lot of pain and yowling and I was sort of traumatized by it. The yowling caused the vet to rush him to the back and put him under sedation and give him pain killers. More drama. He is still there and not doing all that great. He is not horrible, just not all that great. I am hoping that they are not going to have to keep him overnight. I have never had to leave a cat at the vet before. It is a tiny bit scary actually…
I have a question for any cancer survivors who read this: Does it ever get any easier? I keep thinking that dealing with all the blood draws, the needle sticks, the poking, the appts, the medication, the nausea, the exhaustion etc. will get easier. It is exactly like having a full time job and I keep thinking I will get used to it but so far, not so much. It is super annoying! Grrrr Stupid cancer…
I am finally starting to feel like a human being after the last treatment. Which means that I can concentrate a bit longer so have been able to read for longer periods of time. Am currently reading the latest in the Sookie Stackhouse series. Very fun adult vampire books. Also finished an advanced reading copy of a book called When You Reach Me by Rebecca Stead. I wish I had finished it sooner, it was super good! It is one of those books that is merely good until you get to the end and then the ending makes it great. It was just so good, I recommend it to everyone.