The Book Babe Speaks

Friday night was one of the best evenings I have had in a really long time. My super awesome friend Robin was over for a girly sleepover. We had a blast, talking, watching fun things, eating good food and having great conversation. One of the things we kept going back to was the idea of being nice. It is so much easier being nice than not. It just makes life so much easier. Being mean and catty and bitchy takes too much energy, so much more energy than being nice and supportive.

Since we spent so much time talking about being nice, the conversation inevitably turned to the PBB event and the generosity of all those involved. One of the questions I got from a lot of people when Project Book Babe started coming together was “Why”. What is it about me that would make so many authors want to do this amazing thing for me. It was a question that really threw me for a loop because at the time, I honestly did not understand “why” either. I think I finally get it after months of having it drilled into my head. I had never really thought about exactly how much I do for them. For me, being a book buyer is all about doing whatever I can to get good books into the hands of readers, kids and adults. I get so excited when I find a book that I know people will love! Anyway, the fact the event happened is total and complete proof, to me anyway, that being nice will get you farther in life than not. Because I did, and continue to (as much as I can), do so much for the PBB authors, they were willing to carve out time from their very busy schedules to come together and do this amazing thing for me. Which allows me the ability to be a full time patient without having to stress over a ton of things. I will always remember the generosity of the planners of the event and the attendees. Not just the authors but all those that planned, worked and attended. What an amazing thing, I still get a little choked up when I think about it. There are days when I am not really sure that it happened, it still seems so surreal…

Anyway, I am pretty much babbling at this point so will stop now with one last thank you to all my friends who do so much for me. I will never be able to say “thank you” or “I love you” enough to them. Especially those who are still working tirelessly on the PBB auction…

So I had my penultimate treatment yesterday (yes I have been saying that word  a lot) and I feel as I expected to feel. No nausea but that usually does not arrive till the weekend anyway. The weakness and tiredness seems to be getting worse with each one but since I only have one more left, I really should not complain.

Here are some good things about having chemo: Not having to shave, being able to stay home and nap with my cat, nap time. I am sure there are more but I can’t think of anything right now.

My super awesome friend Robin (Brande, extraordinary author, it is crucial that everyone read her books!) is coming to stay with me in a few days. So she can see first hand how much fun post chemo is. We plan to watch Pride and Prejudice, the good one with sexy Colin Firth, as well as other girly movies. I discovered to my horror the other day that I do not own  P&P on dvd. I am very ashamed of myself and am trying to rectify that as soon and inexpensively as possible.

One series I neglected to mention that I am currently obsessed with is the Dexter series. I am on book 3 and totally loving it! They are great books, incredibly well written with fantastic characters. The tv show is good too.

Thanks again for all the support I have been getting. I really love all the comments everyone leaves. You guys are all fabulous.

So I have my penultimate treatment today. It is three in the morning and I cannot sleep. Which is th reason for the crankiness. I just keep thinking about it and how sick it makes me and how much I hate it. Blargh.  Just thinking about it makes me nauseous. I realize that it is possibly psychological at this point. I am so wanting it to be over. This second time around seems to be worse than the first time. Everything about it sucks, including all the blood work. They have to take from my port and it is always painful. I dread it. On the other hand, I only have one more session after today. Since I can’t sleep, I am watching X-Files to take my mind off of it, it is sort of working…

Have been reading some good books. Still working on Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and the newest Kitty Norville book by Carrie Vaughn. Finished the third book in the Gallagher Girls series, Don’t Judge a Girl by Her Cover, by Ally Carter, I totally adore that series. So much fun!

I am back from visiting my awesome sister, Sharon, and I had a great time. Very tired, Friday and Saturday were busy days so I used up most of my energy from this week and now have little left. Totally worth it though.

Friday morning we went to see Frank (Looking Glass Wars) at his offices and finally got to meet his adorable assistant Emily. She is about the sweetest girl I have ever met. Also, she has a very soothing voice so sometimes I make excuses to call so I can hear it. Anyway, had a blast with Frank as I always do. Then it was on to Disneyland. I just love that place. We had a ton of fun and then met some of my sisters friend for dinner. Very good food and the chefs knew what gluten was. It was great. I love it when restaurant chefs understand what gluten-free means.

Saturday we went to Whale of a Tale, this super cute bookstore in Irvine, and who should be signing but DJ MacHale. The same DJ that I got yelled at for driving myself to see because I thought it would be a while before I had the opportunity to meet him. Life is funny sometimes… Anyway, had a great time browsing through the store as I waited for the signing to end. Met the owner and had a lovely chat with her and DJ. He is such a wonderful person, so sweet. After the store we went to a picnic at Sharon’s friends till 2 am. It was fun but exhausting.

The entire weekend was a ton of fun and I did not wear my wig once. It was great, I did not get stared at as much as I thought. Mostly it was kids, which makes sense. The cutest was at the picnic on Sat, Sharon’s friend’s son kept staring at me and then whispered to my sister “You don’t meet very many girls who don’t have hair”. It was pretty cute. Kids are so much fun!

So today was the first day I left the house sans wig. It was weird. I did get stared at a bit but not at much as I thought. I debated for awhile about whether or not I should leave the house without the wig but the fact that it is gross hot out ultimately made up my mind for me. I really needed to get out of the house, I am going stir crazy. So, I called Shannon up and she needed to get new sheets anyway so away we went. Possibly it was not the best decision as I am now super exhausted and not sure I can do anything but nap for the rest of the day. On the other hand, I got out of the house so feel slightly less stir crazy. Slightly.

I am still so tired. And still tired of being tired.  The nausea returned while I was out today. Super fun! It was inevitable I suppose. It is still big and dumb though… At least I know what the rest of my week will be like.

Looking forward to seeing my awesome sister in LA this weekend. I leave Thursday so I should probably rest up today and tomorrow anyway. Luckily I got more Netflix in today (seriously, Netflix is my new best friend) so I have a few hours of things to watch in between naps.

I just want to thank everyone for all the nice comments. Reading them makes me smile and feel better! So thanks bunches!

That seems to be the word for me lately. So tired, physically and mentally. I seem to be more exhausted this second time around. Maybe the mental part comes from the fact that I know what is coming. More hair loss, more mouth problems, more nausea, I do not want to do this anymore. Just thinking about it makes me tired. I am not sure I am strong enough to do this anymore.  I am so ready to be done having cancer now. Anytime now….

I know that I should be more positive and I am really trying hard to be but day after day of the dealing with this is starting to take its toll on me. I keep telling myself that this too shall pass, that soon this will all be over. I know it is true but that does not seem to be making this second round of treatment easier. Everything I try seems to work less and less.

Oh well, such is life. I have been given this journey and I am the only one that can make it. Blargh. I will eventually get over this too…

So, it has been brought to my attention that I am not blogging enough. There is a good reason for that. I have been tired, cranky, pissy, and depressed. I prefer not to blog when in those moods. But, I know that you all want updates so here goes.

I am still tired (which of course does not help the grumpiness) since I am having trouble sleeping. Most of my life I have been a left side sleeper and now that I have no lymph nodes on that side, I am super paranoid about sleeping on my left side for fear of lymphoma. Also, everything is still sore from the surgery.  So there is that. Trying to learn how to be a back sleeper and it is not going well.

After many weeks of procrastinating calling the dentist due to dentist fear, Shannon finally made the appointment and drove me there. Basically after 32 years of no cavities and relatively healthy teeth, I have cavities in my 3 remaining wisdom teeth. I am pretty grumpy about that too.  On the bright side, they are wisdom teeth so it will be an easy procedure.

Started chemo again on Wed. Blaarrgghh. Those 4 hours that I get to sit while poison is injected into my body are more fun than you can possibly imagine. Stupid cancer being all big and dumb. My oncologist and my hot surgeon have been talking about the lymph nodes that still had cancer in them. The hot surgeon was thinking that I would need to be on an additional form of treatment, and apparently I am already on it. The additional would have been this drug called taxotere and since I am already taking that along with 2 others (cytoxin, adriamycin), I should be good. The oncologist did not seem too worried about it so there is that. I really am hating this whole thing. I just want it to be all over.

I spent yesterday getting yelled at (albeit very sweetly and pleasantly) for driving myself somewhere on Wed night. I was at home, being tired and chemo filled when my friend Rebecca (she is also of the super awesome variety of friend) called to tell me that DJ MacHale was at my old bookstore and was asking about me. I immediately remembered that I had planned on attending the event but since I have chemo brain like you would not even believe, I of course, forgot. Anyway, she called so I decided to drive the 3 miles to have a drink with them. I really wanted to meet him to thank him in person for donating so many books to the auction. The excitement at meeting him drove all nausea away and I managed to summon the strength to drive. Authors are my rock stars after all, I just love them! DJ was amazingly wonderful and said very nice things about me, compliments are always a good thing! We had a very pleasant hour and it was totally worth getting sternly spoken to my numerous people about the fact that I should not be driving. They are totally right, I have no business driving, I am way to weak to be operating machinery. If you ever have a chance to meet him, I highly recommend that you do, he is terribly sweet. Actually, all my authors (those that attended Project Book Babe as well as those few that could not make it) are amazing and wonderful. Everyone should meet them at some point in there lives. God I love those people. Kids authors are the nicest people on the planet!

I do have some positive things, went shooting again with the girls and I did well. Managed to hit the center of the target on most of the shots. Very exciting. Every bullseye is more cancer cells getting killed. Am mostly used to my lack of breasts. It is still a little weird at times, but it is not as bad as I had anticipated. I am going to visit my sister next week, and go to Disneyland so I am really excited about that! Also, maybe I will get to see Frank Beddor since he could not make it to the event due to two sick kids. He is such a good dad. So adorable.

So there is a very long update. Hopefully not too cranky for all you out there. I anticipate that the next one will be lighter in attitude. Feel free to email me as much as you want, I may not respond right away but I love getting them.

I love you all!